I am a fucking adult..



Fool yourself into thinking that you are helping the economy by getting takeaway for the third time this week. Buy a keep-cup because you care about the environment but only use it once because you are too lazy to wash it. Make sure you have Black lives matter in your Instagram bio but don't do anything about it, don't even bring it up. Find a self-help guru and maybe just maybe if you give them enough money you won't feel so shit. While you are at it, get yourself a gym membership but make sure you never use it. Get yourself a TV and a Netflix subscription and binge-watch the latest show that everyone is talking about but don't watch it because you are too busy mindlessly scrolling on Facebook, maybe just maybe if you scroll some more you won't be lonely. What about your $1,500.00 phone that you never call your friends on, but hey at least you wish them Happy Birthday once a year. Never speak to your mother because she doesn't get you and talking to mothers is reserved for kids, and you are a fucking adult, besides you are too busy indulging in self-loathing and grumbling about your ever so fragile mortal existence. But make sure you keep up with the Kardashians. Can you believe Chloe's Latest Scandal!!

Let's all come together and cry about the celebrity we lost because they were a national treasure but let's not talk about the close friend we lost because you never know what to say. Never bring up the friend who is depressed because you are too stressed and you've got your problems.

Get a bill, stress about the bill, don't pay the bill, incur overdue chargers and complain about the overdue-charges but that's okay because that's what adulting is all about.

Get a job for the money. Hate your job, and hate your boss. Complain about how the economy is fucked.

Eww, Mondays am I right..! TGIF!!!!

Live for the weekends and focus on meaningless pursuits like drinking out on the weekend because you fucking "deserve it", feel shit the next day but that's okay it was worth it, you didn't feel so shit for that 30 mins before you glamorously vomited next to the girl in the white jeans. 

Lie to your friends about how you are doing well and buy another round of drinks despite the fact the rent is due next week because if you buy them yet another round, they will like you and you won't be so lonely anymore.


Always remember stress-free living and the light-hearted nature is reserve only for the gullible, kids and fools but you get it you are a fucking adult. 

Fight for a cause that you don't even care about, but who cares you will get the kudos and maybe people will like you, and perhaps you won't be so lonely after all.


Take 44 selfies with the right lighting. Choose the one that represents you the best pair it up with Valencia filter and uploaded it to Instagram with the caption candid not so candid. #nofilter #allnatural #iamafuckingadult #hangingoutwithfriends #netflixandchill #candid.


Congratulations! You are an adult.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

8 Things single people must do.

Image
  8 Things single people must do. We’ve all been there; your best friend is dating someone from work, your sister is getting engaged next week, and then there is you. To top it all off, the people who are in a relationship are so smug about it like they have it all figured out. I call bullshit! We’ve all known that one friend, who couldn’t even turn the microwave on two weeks ago and ever since their new relationship, they are somehow a qualified psychologist. I digress, but here is something you may not have heard before; maybe being single is excellent. Being single comes with perks, and rather than wishing for a relationship, we need to celebrate, explore life and its limits. While you are enjoying your freedom here is a list of 8 Things single people must do. Stop saying you are going to die single : Okay, maybe you have been single for a few months now, or even a year. Let me put it this way; would you instead go through yet another breakup and a miserable relationship or wait...
Read more

My Heart Stopped and here is what I learned.

Image
  My Heart Stopped and here is what I learned. Life  is a mystery, but one thing is for certain it sure isn’t long. I once saw a quote somewhere that went something like this. “Never be a prisoner of your past, become the architect of your  future ”. You know how people always say; in a split second, your whole life can change. Well, this is one of those stories; the only difference is the second doesn’t feel like a second; it feels much longer. For you to completely understand this story, you may need a little background. So let’s take a trip down  memory  lane. I was about ten when my family migrated to this beautiful country, Australia. And that was the beginning of this story. We moved a few times before settling into the west of Sydney. It was around that time I began my high school life. Now, I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t the cool kid, I was the nerd, in fact, a nerd who wasn’t that good at studies. I was, however, a little different from other kids. I wa...
Read more